“Alright, listen up, worms.” A loud voice comes from a large figure. “You’ve made it past the underground scene and into the big leagues.”
You’re sitting in a very small room. Next to you are people from all over. Most look mentally gone and barely awake.
“Now it’s time for the real game.” The figure walks out from the shadows, revealing a large man. “The Villains of EDM game.”
Everyone looks in awe of the… terrible decision they’ve made.
“Listen closely,” he says while walking around the room. The first thing you want to do is start insulting and dismissing your listener base.”
“But uhhh… wouldn’t that alienate some listeners?” Says the person next to you.
“HAHAHAHA, consequences? That’s a good one.” He presses a button, and the floor beneath him opens, dragging him down into a bottomless pit. “This doesn’t happen here. By now, you’ll get label-assigned lobotomites. They’ll follow and listen to whatever you say or release, no matter how bad or braindead it is.”
“But isn’t that ju-” Says the person behind you, which gets sent to the nether realm before he can finish the sentence.
“Okay, next thing you want to do is tease a release and then stop talking about it for years.”
“What will that do?” You ask in a very scared voice.
“Nothing, it’s just funny to hear people ask “when will this be released?” after briefly teasing the best song they’ve ever heard.”
The remaining newbies are not impressed by this. But you don’t know if it’s out of fear or out being mentally checked out.
“Okay next up, and this is the most important one. Take notes…” He says as he scans the room to see no one is really paying attention but you. “Whatever sound made you popular, you are going to either exploit it and make it worse OR leave it and do something completely terrible.”
“But… won’t people leave in droves?” Asks a trap artist in the room.
“Label assigned lobotomies dummy.” He says, stomping his floor on the ground. “Are you even listening?”
“Oh… Rig-” She gets banished.
“Back to the underground you go.” He says angrily. “Okay, and as the final thing, this one is very important.”
Everyone gets close to listen.
“Your new marketing strategy is starting arguments online. As many as possible. Trust me, there will be NO consequences. In fact, your label-assigned lobotomies will love you even MORE for it!”
“Really? It’s that easy?” You ask, ready to get banished.
“Yes! Labeltomites are the best!” He says in triumphant laughter.
“Whoa… That’s cool.” Someone says, “Is this how Odesza made it big?”
“NO!” He fires a laser, pulverizing a dubstep artist in the corner “They are a TERRIBLE example. Instead of following the plan, they care for their audience, make their music better, and REFUSE to get into pointless drama.”
At this point he has lost the plot and starts rambling.
“They are traitors. The few who have made it big by going against all our principles.”
“You must NOT listen to them as it goes against the Villains League.”
“Do NOT Njoy.”
Genre: Future Bass
Become Crap or Perish
Hz Captain Bassnectar
P.S. This alongside the space email from Hyperoxia was part of an experiment, if this was too weird, don’t worry, we ARE doing it again in the future :)
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